The Avatar Holiday Special

Sorry for lack of updates, it's just that Christmas time is party time for me. I'm watching all the classics, and the not-so-classics; like the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Just for fun, I decided to do a search for 'Avatar Holiday Special' just to see what would turn up, and lo and behold, it appears other people have joked about the same thing.

But even funnier, on the official messageboards, someone also proposed that there should be one!

'Pointless celberity cameos'? Out of character scenes? Sounds sort of like the movie that got made

Man, that's the best idea I've ever seen an Avatar fanboy propose. Too bad it would never happen since Cameron takes this crap so damn seriously. The fanboys probably wouldn't even get the joke if it was made, considering how culturally deprived most of them are. Still, it's fun to dream, and good to see Avatar fans out there with a sense of humor.

So have a Merry Christmas! Or whatever it is you celebrate!

Now that the world isn't ending it's love that I'm sending to you

Yay! The world didn't end! Now I can be around to watch the Avatar sequel when it comes out in 2015....so I can make fun of it.

Sam Worthington arrested on Election Day!

It's official, Jake Sully has been court-martialled! Seems Sammy drank a little too much.

How much you wanna bet that Avatards everywhere today are going to chalk this up to "Na'Vi opression" or some shit?, and then go protest to have him released? (even though he already has been?)

Well, so long as it keeps them out of the voting booths so they can't fuck this country up further, then that's fine with me! Then again, I shouldn't worry, Avatards don't care about real world issues unless they hear about it in a James Cameron movie anyway.

Avatard Halloween costume fail

Boo! I am your host, Count Suckula! Blaa! I have done some horrible things in my lifetime, but I can't say any of them are scarier than these costumes! So bevare, because thees ees some pretty scary stuff keeds, ha ha ha! Just keep telling yourself, no matter how shitty your costume is, it's probably better than these.

This image summons up everything I hate about Avatar. It's a supposedly anti-capitalist, anti-consumerist film, but was made by a huge corporation to make millions of dollars, and here are the Na'Vi, out shopping. One with nature indeed.

Neyfatty.

Even cool prosthetics still don't keep you from looking retarded.

"I'd fuck me"

I thought it was only us humans who were fat, and that it was causing us cancer or some shit?

Ten bucks says that's a man.

Katniss was never the same again after watching Avatar.

UGH! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go gouge my eyes out. Happy Halloween!

Avatard writes racist sci-fi novel for teens

One of the more common tactics used by avatards is to talk about how influential Avatar has been and how much it has changed the way movies are made. Other than an influx of 3D movies (which have existed since the 50s, and which were coming out so regularly that Cinemark was parodying it in their advertisements before Avatar even came out), I've failed to see the influence.

Now it seems though, that Avatar has had an influence on something, but not in in the area of film, but literature. A book recently came out called 'Saving the Pearls' involving environmental messages, the main character changing their race, and interracial romance with cat people.

It's certainly been getting attention lately. Mainly because it's a racist piece of shit. The book takes place in the future, where global warming caused by corporations has made it so that only black people can go out in the day, and have become the ruling class (seriously, that's the plot). So the heroine dyes her skin black so that she will be considered socially acceptable, and falls in love with a black dude who is also half-cat.

Also, if you were wondering what the title was referring to, it's because black people call themselves "coals", while white people are called "pearls" as a slur. If blacks were the ruling class, why would they call themselves "coals" instead of say, a more valuable black metal, like onyx? and wyh would white poeple, the minority, be named after a valuable object?

Hmmm, an attempt at fighting racism that is actually very racist itself, stupid logic, bullshit knowledge of even basic science. Sounds like Avatar to me!

And yes, that is the novel's heroine in blackface for the book's trailer.

Yes, this is a real book, and it really has been published. Just like '50 Shades of Gray' started out as a Twilight fanfic, who wants to bet that this racist bullshit started out as an Avatar fanfic? I wouldn't fucking be surprised, in fact, I'm pretty damn sure that's the case.

Remember this next time Avatards talk about how the movie has helped to combat racism and that only racist people dislike it, even though I've shown how thoroughly bullshitty that claim is.

Go here for a wonderful sporking of the book.

South Park takes Cameron down a peg

I'm a little late for this because of irl stuff, but I just watched the latest episode of South Park on their official website. Most of the show was devoted to parodying Honey Boo-Boo (a show that you just know is beloved by avatards, particularly the ones always whining about 'fat ugly americans' like the commenters in the Cracked.com article), but they had a hilarious sub-plot involving James Cameron attempting to literally "raise the bar" for entertainment.

Now, even though Cameron is technically portrayed as a hero in this episode, it also depicts him as a smug, self-righteous ass with a hero complex whose egotistical ramblings drive his henchmen crazy:

Now this is satire I can get behind. Matt anbd Trey clearly respect Cameron, but they do admit the flaws both of the man himnself and his work, and it's all done without any viciousness or slandering.

Besides, thats what my blog is for.

Knowing the avatards, it's likely they'll either completely miss the satire and think the episode is celebrating Cameron, or they'll think it's attacking him and go troll various South Park sites.

Avatar: A "Great warning for generations to come"

 I can't even make up a snarky comment for this. It's just, just...wow. This might just be the most perfect specimen of an Avatard I've ever encountered. Misanthropy, bullshit attempts to tie the film in with real world history (which in fact, trivializes the real world suffering of 'colonized' peoples), belief in aliens, elitism, and the not so subtle implication that he believes the events of the movie will really happen.

I can't help but laugh at how he's been "dying to see a movie like this". A common defense that avatards make is that they are perfectly aware of how unoriginal and done to death the story is, but that it doesn't matter to them. Yet, here we see a fan who apparently thinks this is the first ever film of it's type to have such a message. Just further proof that avatards don't know jack shit about film history (or even the history of their own "movement", which proves that they probably never cared about environmentalism before seeing the movie)

"and yes i am attacking the being called human, because that's what they are. And i am one of them, there is no escape from it".

I would give him a point for acknowledging that he can't escape what he is (unlike other avatards who think they actually are Na'Vi or can become Na'Vi), but I'd also take it away from him for referring to humans as if they were a seperate species, so no points for you!

"i hope that by the time humans are colonizing alien planets they act in our terms "human" towards the indigenous lifeforms, no matter what profit might or might not be gained."

No, us humans will simply make a profit off of them by showing them a shitty movie about how corporations and capitalism suck that was made by a corporation and made billions of dollars through the capitalist system. It's an old human tradition we call "hypocrisy" and/or "liberalism".

I'm never going to forget this post whenever I see another avatard claim that no one has taken this movie to heart.

Avatards: At war with their own feelings:

A common tactic used by Avatards when defending their favorite movie is to argue that the film, whether or not it was any good, must be considered a technical masterpiece simply because James Cameron created his own planet (yeah, I know how stupid that sounds, since pretty much anyone can create their own planet when writing fiction). Some of the more intelligent ones (and I say intelligent solely on the fact that they realize how easy it is to dream up your own planet) will argue that it's not even that which is special about Cameron creating Pandora, but that Pandora is special because Cameron thought up a whole language, culture and ecosystem and science for it. They will also say "only an intelligent mind can appreciate and comprehend such an achievement".

So basically these dipshits are arguing that liking Avatar makes you a scientific genius or an intellectual, and that anyone who dislikes the film must be an idiot who knows nothing about science.

Except that, Avatards can't even agree on the simplest basics about the 'science, culture' etc.

For example, the troll SewageMan started a thread pointing out the racial stereotypes that went into the Na'Vi, and one of the things he and his supporters cited was how the Na'Vi were portrayed as a violent, stupid warrior culture who needed a white man to unite them. This is how the Avatards responded to this accusation:

Now remember, ALL Avatards like the film because they can comprehend the brilliant, scientific world-building put into the film.

On another thread, resident superfan xy-ted, who actually HAS researched all of the science, language and other crap that the film didn't bother to go into, has this to say about the Na'Vi culture, who remember, do not fight amongst themselves according to the two idiots above:

So they DO fight amongst themselves.

This proves that yes, there ARE intelligent Avatards out there who have researched the Na'Vi culture and the "science" of the planet, etc. Not that this makes them Rhodes Scholars or anything, but it at least shows they know their shit about, well, their shit.

....And such fans are a minority whom other fans disagree with about something as simple as whether or not the Na'Vi fight amongst each other.

I don't know what's more pathetic; obsessive fanboys who have memorized every useless detail about a film, including stuff that you could only learn from bonus material that was not even in the film, or obsessive fanboys who can't get the most basic details right about their favorite movie that they will vehemently defend.

Wouldn't it be the greatest case of irony ever, if it turned out that a majority of Avatards, the same ones who make death threats against people who hate the movies, whine about being oppressed as if they were a minority, and dress up in stupid costumes for videos that they broadcast over the internet for all the world to see.....haven't even seen the film?

Avatard remakes the same thread over and over again for the course of a year:

I might have to change the name of this blog to "johnlindsey289 is mentally ill", because he just keeps popping up and up here. We've seen his fail before, but now, my esteemed colleague, "100Aliases" has shown me the depths of his madness. On IMDb, posts get ignored all the time, so it's not uncommon for someone to occasionally remake the same thread. What is uncommon is, well, just look at this shit:

Dozens of people are sick of his shit:



To add to the scare factor, Alias tells me that Johnny frequently deletes his own posts, and that he didn't include existing posts from 2010 and 2011 by Johnny that are about the same topic. Alias has been posting on IMDb under different accounts and names since the 90's, and he remembers Lindsey doing this even back then.

That's right, this shit is just a small fraction of one man's madness, with plenty left out. Alias also tells me that Lindsey's catgirl threads are even more abundant and so scary that he didn't even bother transcribing them:

Keep in mind that Alias is a big horror and comic book fan, so he doesn't frighten easily or get too angry when it comes to moronic fanboys (he actually has a recurring series on his blog about stupid Amazon reviewers), but johnlindsey289 creeps even him out.

Still think Avatards are 'normal' people?

Cracked.com commenters beat James Cameron at his own game:

Cracked.com really can surprise you once in a while. Today they showed the winning entries in a contest entitled "Deleted scenes that would make you root for the villain", and guess what #1 was?

 It's funny because it may as well be true.
Although Cracked.com commenters have never been known for their brains (it's truly amazing how little some of the commenters have actually read of the articles they respond to), they made my day with some comments that show that I'm not alone in hating the film's stuck up Mary-Sue terrorist "heroes":

 Some of them even brilliantly pointed out how that would have made the story more interesting:

This man needs to be hired by Hollywood, pronto.

 Unfortunately, the article didn't go unnoticed by lurking Avatards, who once more display their profound inability to take a joke:

 The last asshole thankfully got his:

 All in all, this whole experience doesn't display anything I didn't know, but it does show that even amongst the infamously stupid legion of illiterates, rednecks, creeps and basement dwellers that make up Cracked.com commenters, there is still more creativity, wit, ability to understand humor and popular culture, and desire for complex and morally ambiguous stories than your average Avatard is capable of. Taitano and Balticavenue17 both showed more creativity in their comments than the entire movie itself did.

More fun from Google images...

 

So true....

Wow, Cameron sure is a master of cinematography....



Avatards and Race Relations: Exposing a myth

One of the great myths spread by Avatards is that Avatar was successful because it had an "anti-racist" message, and was beloved by all minorities (especially black people) and that if you dislike the film, you must automatically be some sort of white supremacist racist inbred pot-bellied redneck sharecropper KKK member from the deep south who "doesn't want to see the truth" that Avatar provides. The only minorities who dislike the film are "Uncle Toms" (a submissive, weak-willed black person who loves white people and bows down to them), supposedly.

 Except, no. That isn't true at all.

A quick search on Google images for Avatar fans shows almost exclusively white people in costume, at conventions, or attending re-releases of the film. With one exception on page 3, it is like this for more than 20 pages (which is where I stopped looking) of ALL the results you see on Google images. Furthermore, a quick search on Google for White people + Avatar immediately brings up completely negative articles regarding the film and calling it "racist", "a feel good movie for white people", "patronizing", etc. Don't take my word for it though:

 Also interestingly, that first article, "When will white people stop making movies like Avatar", isn't just one that only came up because it matched the search terms; it is actually a very widespread article which many people believe and agree with. Look at how mnay times it has been copied to other sites on the internet; clearly, it isn't just an obscure/ignored rant made up by some lone crazy person:

 However, those results don't prove anything so much as that lots of people see a racist-condescending subtext in the film. There are people out there who will read racism into anything. Broad results like this don't prove that black people love or hate the film.

 But individual bloggers do.

The person who runs Truth First, a black power blog so outspoken some have called it satire, absolutely hates the film, and considers Neytiri "a white man's perversion" of African beauty.

 Now read some of the other posts on the blog.

 Does the person who runs "Truth First" sound like an "Uncle Tom" to you?

 Next we find the forums for Assata Shakur, black panther and mother of Tupac. This place has been described by some people as the "black version of Stormfront".

 While some members liked the film, the majority of them considered it condescending and a phony "peace offering", objecting to the character of Jake Sully and saying the film would have been better off featuring the Na' Vi as the heroes. One person even laughed at the reports of suicidal fanboys.

 Do those people, who consider white people a failed mutant race who suffer from undiagnosed insanity that makes them want to conquer other races, sound like submissive Uncle Toms to you?

 I'd be very interested in seeing an Avatard try to tell these people, in person, that they are Uncle Toms because they didn't love Avatar.

 Now we come to one of the only black guys I can find online who likes Avatar, Mr. Bunche, of the Vault of Buncheness blog.

 Vault of Buncheness exclusively reviews B-movies, sci-fi movies, porn and exploitation films, so it is inevitable that Avatar would be reviewed and, compared to a lot of the crap covered there, would come out looking good. Bunche did not LOVE the film, but he enjoyed it a lot and said he would see it again.

 I think it is telling that, for a film that "all black people everywhere" love, one would have to seek out an obscure sci-fi film blogger to find a black person who actually likes the film. Keep in mind too, that Bunche did not praise the film because of it's message, he thought the film was as cliche as the haters did; he just enjoyed it because he felt it was a technically apt, entertaining film and that there was no way the story could really be fresh, so he enjoyed it for what it is. Bunche also is known for enjoying the films of John Waters, as well as comedies like Soul Plane (which is widely loathed among the broader African American community as a "modern-day minstrel show").

 Clearly, he is a very hard man to offend, thus it makes sense that he wouldn't find Avatar problematic. I am not saying I am questioning his credibility because of the films he watches, in fact, I find it admirable that he likes "trashy" movies so openly, but clearly this is a guy who couldn't care less about the film's "message".

 So ultimately, we see from just these simple results that NO, Avatar is not universally beloved by the African-American community. At best, it was mildly enjoyed by ONE blogger who doesn't even view films in terms of race, at the most moderate, it was considered a well-meaning bone toss that was still extremely problematic and that would have been better if the main character was not present at all, at worst, it is considered a perversion of African culture and lambasted for it's racist, condescending use of the "mighty whitey" trope.

 And as for racists disliking the film...

 I've long used the term "chimpout' both online and in real life to describe people who fly off the handle because of stupid shit, but I've used it increasingly less because of a racist website called Chimpout.com, which is a site devoted to comparing black people to monkeys. Chimpout.com is interesting, in that it occasionally makes good points about double standards in media and is extremely tolerant of most non-white races, but it's still a despicable hate site. So, because of my personal dislike for the site, I decided to use it as my test to see just how much "racists" really "feel threatened" by Avatar.

In brief, they weren't.

 Most of them in fact, praised the film for not having any black people play human characters, several made defenses for the film saying it was harmless entertainment, one of them even liked the character of Neytiri and said they could ignore the fact that she was voiced by a black actress, one poster even approved of Zoe Saldana's casting by saying "who better to play a non-human than a non-human?" (which is as close to a compliment as they can give). Even the most vehemently negative of the posters still praised the film as a "technological triumph" and found good things to say about the film. Some even praised the Na'Vi as being better than actual black people.

 While I can't say that they all liked the film, for a forum whose entire purpose is to demonize black people, the posters on CO all seemed fairly ambivalent about the film. Clearly, they were not "threatened" or offended by it's message, several even defended it. Even the most negative feelings towards the film were calmly delivered and not filled with rage. All in all, that being the biggest thread on CO about Avatar, it was clear that not too many people cared.

 Objectively then, I would say that, when a website second only to Stormfront in infamy that has been called "the most racist website in North America" is ambivalent at worst towards a film, sometimes supportive (if in a condescending way), then that film is probably not "making racists everywhere feel threatened".

So who are the racists and bigots who discuss Avatar?

 Using the same logic that the fans do, I can only say that most racist and bigoted people who discuss Avatar are: The Fans.

 They make N-word jokes, check out this fan's username:

 He also clearly is not simply using the name as a term of endearment towards himself, he knows he's being racist, and laughing about it. Proof? He changed his username overnight because he didn't want to get called out for it:

  They also have no problem with other forms of bigotry, such as homphobia:

 They also quote racists in their signatures:

 Yes indeed, Gandhi was a racist. He even has fans on Chimpout.

 Yes, I know that "FinalFantasy_" was just joking around, pancake-eater was just issuing a common schoolyard taunt (although it does show how immature he is), and MuchToBeGratefulFor is not quoting Gandhi because of his racism, but still, this shows their hypocrisy.

 So what does this prove? Does it prove that I'm right? No, there are exception to every rule, but it does prove several things:

 -Avatar is not terribly popular with African-Americans to any overwhelming degree, and those who do praise it either couldn't care less about it's "message" or like the message but still find the film problematic. It is DEFINITELY not universally popular with them.

-Racists (and not just any racists, but ones from one of the most infamous racist websites of all time) don't have any particular hatred for the film, most are ambivalent about it, and some even support it. They are certainly not "threatened" by it.

-Avatar fans have no problem making racist and homophobic jokes, quoting racists, and telling people how they should feel. If anyone is the bigots, it's them.