The Avatar Holiday Special

Sorry for lack of updates, it's just that Christmas time is party time for me. I'm watching all the classics, and the not-so-classics; like the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Just for fun, I decided to do a search for 'Avatar Holiday Special' just to see what would turn up, and lo and behold, it appears other people have joked about the same thing.

But even funnier, on the official messageboards, someone also proposed that there should be one!

'Pointless celberity cameos'? Out of character scenes? Sounds sort of like the movie that got made

Man, that's the best idea I've ever seen an Avatar fanboy propose. Too bad it would never happen since Cameron takes this crap so damn seriously. The fanboys probably wouldn't even get the joke if it was made, considering how culturally deprived most of them are. Still, it's fun to dream, and good to see Avatar fans out there with a sense of humor.

So have a Merry Christmas! Or whatever it is you celebrate!

Avatards: At war with their own feelings:

A common tactic used by Avatards when defending their favorite movie is to argue that the film, whether or not it was any good, must be considered a technical masterpiece simply because James Cameron created his own planet (yeah, I know how stupid that sounds, since pretty much anyone can create their own planet when writing fiction). Some of the more intelligent ones (and I say intelligent solely on the fact that they realize how easy it is to dream up your own planet) will argue that it's not even that which is special about Cameron creating Pandora, but that Pandora is special because Cameron thought up a whole language, culture and ecosystem and science for it. They will also say "only an intelligent mind can appreciate and comprehend such an achievement".

So basically these dipshits are arguing that liking Avatar makes you a scientific genius or an intellectual, and that anyone who dislikes the film must be an idiot who knows nothing about science.

Except that, Avatards can't even agree on the simplest basics about the 'science, culture' etc.

For example, the troll SewageMan started a thread pointing out the racial stereotypes that went into the Na'Vi, and one of the things he and his supporters cited was how the Na'Vi were portrayed as a violent, stupid warrior culture who needed a white man to unite them. This is how the Avatards responded to this accusation:

Now remember, ALL Avatards like the film because they can comprehend the brilliant, scientific world-building put into the film.

On another thread, resident superfan xy-ted, who actually HAS researched all of the science, language and other crap that the film didn't bother to go into, has this to say about the Na'Vi culture, who remember, do not fight amongst themselves according to the two idiots above:

So they DO fight amongst themselves.

This proves that yes, there ARE intelligent Avatards out there who have researched the Na'Vi culture and the "science" of the planet, etc. Not that this makes them Rhodes Scholars or anything, but it at least shows they know their shit about, well, their shit.

....And such fans are a minority whom other fans disagree with about something as simple as whether or not the Na'Vi fight amongst each other.

I don't know what's more pathetic; obsessive fanboys who have memorized every useless detail about a film, including stuff that you could only learn from bonus material that was not even in the film, or obsessive fanboys who can't get the most basic details right about their favorite movie that they will vehemently defend.

Wouldn't it be the greatest case of irony ever, if it turned out that a majority of Avatards, the same ones who make death threats against people who hate the movies, whine about being oppressed as if they were a minority, and dress up in stupid costumes for videos that they broadcast over the internet for all the world to see.....haven't even seen the film?

Loose brains: When Avatards become 9/11 truthers

 You knew it was just a matter of time before it turned out that Avatards were 9/11 conspiracy theorists. It's so obvious that they would be that it just kind of slips your mind. Check this shit out:

A possible voice of reason?

That's a good Avatard. Have a cookie, then go get your fucking shinebox.

I find it amazing that people will believe what some website tells them to.

So does this prove that all Avatards are scum? No, but it does prove several things:

 1) It isn't all an act. Avatards really do take themselves seriously as being "rebels" fighting the evil Joo government.

 2) Avatards lack knowledge of even the most basic scientific principles.

 3) The Avatar fans out there who actually are educated and intelligent are mocked and laughed at by the majority of the fanbase.

 4) Avatards are easily influenced by what they see in movies and websites.

 You know, let's just argue for a moment that 9/11 really was an inside job, you have to wonder what the FBI would think if I turned this all in to them...

Avatar should have won best picture...because it was popular and in CGI

For as much fail as it churns out, in terms of "AHHH! THE HORROR!" fail, sometimes democratic underground turns out fail in terms of Troll 2-level unintentional hilarity. Like this irrefutable logic for why Avatar should have won best picture, posted by an avatard named Tommy Lent:

“Avatar”? Well, I’m not going to go too into it. For the folks who’ve said the plot was simple, well, I think they’re missing the point. Yes, the theme of the big, strong people taking over the weaker people to get what they want has been used countless times. Using an environmental theme was pretty original, but not all that “deep”.

But the whole middle section and the method of the human being able to engage the aliens was VERY original. The culture of the aliens was also very original and was the basis for many of the breathtaking visuals. The world of Pandora also caused mouths to drop. For those who say the movie was all about visual effects, I think they were just enjoying it and not paying attention to the story. And if someone says that who hasn’t even seen the movie, well, they might as well just not speak. (I have a friend who only saw the trailer and has no interest saying “It’s just a cartoon.” Duh.)

Although profits shouldn’t factor into Oscar contention at all, there’s a reason why this movie has made $2.5 billion and $700 million (and still going) domestically. It’s because people are seeing it multiple times. Yes, the prices for 3-D are inflated, but not to the point where it’s going to make this kind of money. The fact that it’s made approximately $1.8 billion INTERNATIONALLY shows that it has a universal appeal because it has a universal message.

 This guy should write a book called "How to adress why I'm wrong to look balanced, and then never adress why I'm also right". Does that sound stupid? Ye reap, Ye sow.

Spam, spam thank you ma'am:

Apparently the weirdo I quoted from the video for the trailer on Youtube is not just your typical illiterate Youtube commenter, he's a spammer, and not only that, well, see for yourself:

This...will be...a total...MASTERPIECE. Maybe at the same level as the first movie. I can't wait anymore to see this on filmsi.co.cc!! He is my favourite director. I like this trailer too.

Wow... So mesmarizing and so beautiful. I think It's going to be the best film ever. Love both actors... It's g

 I've been grumbling about this very thing for? oh almost two years now and then this trailer came along - probably the best one I have ever seen. Incredible editing, incredible. Seeing it at sitemoovie.co.cc today.
oing to be a must see movie at filmsi.co.cc indeed... Really awsome movie and I like the trailer.

This trailer has certainly done its job, theres no way im going to miss seeing this one at the filmsi.co.cc! This director can do no wrong! Incredible trailer. Watched it with a friend who doesn't even like this director and he was moved, too.

But what we do have is Human spirit the underrated element of goodness in all humanity and this movie is celebration of it. I want to see it on filmsi.co.cc before I go. Awsome trailer...

This movie is something very very special,It's like a key to life...it shows how we should respect our family and love our children...masterpiece... I will check it at sitemoovie.co.cc later...

Magnificent trailer, director goes places nobody else even dreams of. This is my most anticipated movie ever. I will check this movie at sitemoovie.co.cc today after my job party. Good trailer too.

I wonder how it's all gonna pan out in the movie. but, hey, to each his own. but if you do decide to check out the movie at sitemoovie.co.cc, let me know if it was worth or a waste of time :)

Almost to the point where you feel as if you've already seen the movie. I saw it on sitemoovie.co.cc... I imagine that he would say that the truth of the human condition cannot be explained in rational terms, but it can be felt.

 Amazingly, these aren't all from the same spammer, but from multiple ones! I don't know what's funnier, the mangled english, the descriptions of scenes and morals that aren't even in the movie (although it's not like Avatards describing shit that doesn't actually happen in the film is uncommon), or the fact that the film has been out since 2009 and several of them are apparently still waiting for it to come out in theatres. The one who says he wonders how it will all turn out is also the same one who says he's already seen the film and that it's a "key to life". So yeah, even just one fucking spammer can't get his story straight.

 This really wouldn't be so bad in and of itself, as spammers are by nature a bunch of retards, it's really no wonder that most companies that spam tend to use bots instead of people. Hell, these aren't even the dumbest spammers I've ever seen, a fellow on IMDb called secretmoviegeek, who actually thanked me for reporting him and getting his posts nuked, certainly takes that particular cake.

 No, what makes this spamming incident special is that, whereas on any other movie board these spammers would be reported, ignored, marked as spam or at least, mocked by normal people, avatards, not being normal people by a long fucking shot, have given the spammers thumbs up and replied to them. I mean, obviously if you didn't dig too deep you wouldn't notice that one individual was a spammer, I myself made that mistake in my last Youtube-related post, but don't you think that people would notice that there's a shit ton of these posters recommending the same goddamn website? Wouldn't you get a little suspicious? Don't you think one person would be smart enough to see what's going on?

 Only avatards can't, apparently. Why am I not surprised?

 As a bit of a silver lining, enjoy this beautifully saracastic comment by a guy named SuperTruth77:

 My poor 15YO nephew lost his life due to watching Avatar in 3D.
He found the experience so immersive that real life seemed, in his words “totally LAME, just dull & boring”. In the end, he was found dead in an alleyway, his poor, broken body crushed by trying to fight a local drug-pushing gang while wearing 3D glasses.
His last Facebook post stated “With the glasses I can become Superman, I can destroy all evil- kill anything & anyone!!!”. He would have been 16 last week.

 While it's hard to tell if the guy is a fan overdescribing how "realistic" the film is by injecting some black humor, or hates it and is mocking avatards who wish the film was real, I gotta admit that was pretty funny. It's telling that his comment didn't get a single thumbs up. If this guy is a fan, it's sad that avatards can't even appreciate real wit from one of their own.

Avatar: The New Blonde

 Well, I must say I was disappointed as a whole with the naviblue forums. Not nearly as many crazies as I was prepared for, apparently they actually have competent mods to weed out all the aspies. But still, that doesn't enitrely prevent a few gems from seeping through the cracks, like this thread titled "Have you recently had an AVATAR moment?" started by a basement dweller named SacredFern. Apparently being an avatard is no different than being a blonde; you have "moments".

An Avatar Moment might come suddenly, you walk straighter, faster, maybe break into a run, feel the sun, your senses are very much alive. Just like your Na'vi cousins. Or you are in the car, listening to the AVATAR soundtrack, and WHAM, there you are, transported into the middle of that scene (hopefully not into the bumper of the car in front of you).

Or it might be a situation where you make a total skxawng out of yourself, like me today.
I went to pick avocados this morning. Normally, I'd use a ladder, a picker and be all grown up about it, but today I took off my shoes and climbed up a tree (which are not very tall, by the way). I sat in the branches, picking those gnarly avos and putting them into a cloth sack on my side. The fog was in the air, birds were noisy, and -yes- I wore my AVATAR necklace plus my hair in a swishy braid. I just felt so alive! I started speaking the few lines of Na'vi I know from the movie out loud to myself. Awesome!
Well, my ipod funneled AVATAR track 5 into my ears, so I didn't notice that my neighbor had walked up underneath the tree. She had thought I was talking to her, and now she looked at me really funny, as in "I think you need help".

 I'm no fan of christianity, but I must say that it's good to see that friend Fern's neighbor lives by the maxim "Love thy neighbor". Let's hope this neighbor does the good christian thing and let nature take it's course; meaning letting SacredFern fall out of that tree someday and break her neck, while laughing about it.

 Still, I gotta give props to SacredFern for actually going outside. You won't see avatards doing that very often. And it's nice to see that naviblue isn't as crazy I had thought it would be; too bad they aren't as entertaining as the crazies I want to document.

 So even when avatards are winners, they're still losers.

 And what the fuck is a skxawng?

Paying the Piper:

In 1284, the children of the town of Hamelin were led away, along with rats, by the Pied Piper. But that was just a legend. In 2009, James Cameron did the same thing, only he didn't use a flute to call away all the rats and children in the land, instead he used a shitty movie called Avatar to call away all the cretins and (man)children in the land, who were dazzled by it's original storyline , innovative special effects , well-rounded characters and mature adult storyline. I can't say for certain that rats did not enjoy the film as well, but that would be an insult to rats as they have notoriously good taste in film, with the exception of Armond White.

 'Twas not long before the cretins, gushing with many a hurr and many a durr, sought out the inter-ma-net to use as a cumrag for their constant ejaculations over the movie. Naturally, I, being a humble servant of the people who is here to make you laugh, like a clown, to fucking amuse you, have decided to archive examples of Avatar fanboy (or as I affectionately refer to them as, "avatards") stupidity, hypocrisy, immaturity, bigotry, and other "ys". Examples can be found almost anywhere, even in real life, but today's example comes from IMDb and from an avatard known as kaneishurt:

This is why if a technologically superior alien life form does attack this planet I will willfully take their side and kill as many humans as I can. After all one of the laws of nature is to adapt. Another example is how immigrants are coming over North America and taking all the jobs- Adaptability.

Honestly, I hate humans. I give to charity towards animals and environment.I will never give to cancer nor to tsunami "victims" . Even if I found a cure for cancer I won't part with it until the world bows down to me, sends every woman on the planet aged 23-27 in my bedroom and deposits 75 billion dollars in my account. Call me evil but that's my philosophy of life.

As you can see, I couldn't think of any comment better to get this blog rolling. Don't get used to the (fairly) competent spelling and grammar on display though, because as we probe deeper, we'll soon find that most avatards are not as courteous to the queen's english as friend kaneishurt. I'm gonna need a bigger blog...